Many people have difficulty understanding how normal human activities, which bring great pleasure and intimacy to most people, can be unhealthy. How can sexual activity be addictive if it does not involve addictive substances such as drugs or alcohol? What are the signs and symptoms of sexual addiction?
It is true that even some experts do not agree that sex is addictive. Instead, they believe that unhealthy or compulsive sexual activity is simply a lack of discipline or self-control. However, studies have proven that sex can become addictive because it alters the brain the way it is altered by drugs or alcohol. Like addictive substances or other pleasurable activities like gambling or eating, sexual activity fills the brain with dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a major role in feelings of pleasure. This creates problems for some people who develop a tolerance and need more and more sexual activity to get the same pleasurable feelings.
People who become addicted to sex often lose the opportunity to enjoy intimate, loving relationships in real life. They tend to forget that real life is not like the pornography that is readily available online or in magazines. Many men, addicted to sex, view women as submissive, becoming hypercritical of their partner’s sexual activity or appearance.
As a result, partners and spouses become anxious and fearful of not being able to measure up to powerful images, often feeling cheap and “used.” This is the main reason why sex addiction often leads to the breakup of relationships. Especially young people who watch violent pornography may believe that violence and humiliation are okay, and that they are more likely to engage in violent sexual acts, including rape.
It is very important to note that women can also become addicted to sex, although this problem is more common among men.
This also explains why pornography is especially harmful to teens and young adults who have little real sexual experience of an intimate nature. Young people who watch pornography excessively begin to perceive what they think is normal, often not realizing that healthy sexual relationships involve mutual respect and attention, or that the most intimate relationships involve intense hugging and kissing. Young people addicted to pornography are more likely to have sex with more partners at an earlier age, and young men are more likely to visit prostitutes for sexual gratification, in addition, they often masturbate excessively.
Of course, pornography is nothing new. Nevertheless, it has never been as easily accessible or readily available 24 hours a day as it is in today’s closely-knit 24-hour world.
No one knows for sure why some people become addicted to sex while others do not. Nevertheless, many sex addicts were abused as children, or they come from uneducated families with cold, distant and/or narcissistic parents. Many are addicted to drugs or alcohol, or come from families where alcohol abuse and drug addiction were a problem. Some people turn to sex to escape stress or anxiety, especially those who are insecure or who have low tolerance for disappointment. Like alcohol or drug addiction, sex addiction is often associated with underlying problems such as depression or arousal. In some cases, sex addiction becomes a problem for recovering addicts who use sex as a substitute for drugs or alcohol, which is then called cross-dependence. Some people with poor personality disorders are also more likely to become addicted to sex/pornography because they have tremendous control issues and submissive sexual partners, if in real life or online, provide “emotional support” for these unhealthy needs.
If you are concerned that you or someone you care about may be addicted to sex, there are certain symptoms to look out for. People who suffer from sex addiction may:
- Neglecting work, school and activities with family or friends.
- Engaging in unconventional sexual activities such as fetishism, voyeurism, exhibitionism and, of course, numerous online sex contacts.
- Masturbating obsessively or excessively.
- Visiting prostitutes.
- Having phone sex or visiting sexually oriented Internet chat rooms.
- Inviting one-night stands, multiple sexual partners, or anonymous sex.
- Visiting strip clubs or adult bookstores.
- Continuing to engage in a compulsive sex life despite negative consequences such as exposure or problems in relationships, employment, legal or financial difficulties, or escalation of other addictions.
- Running into financial hardship because of excessive spending on buying sex.
Sex addicts often shy away from seeking treatment, often because they suffer from tremendous guilt, embarrassment and shame, or because they fear being caught. However, treatment, often in the form of individual counseling, psychotherapy, psychoeducation and/or family therapy, certainly helps people break free from the grip of sex addiction. Many people benefit from inpatient rehabilitation. Nutritional supplements and sometimes medications may be prescribed to relieve symptoms of anxiety or depression.
